The 10 Worst World Cinema Releases Of 2011
Of course, we are here to wax lyrical about the wonders of world cinema, to give hope to crestfallen film fans left jaded by template-rom-coms, reboots – and Michael Bay! However, for every Confessions and The Skin I Live In released in 2011 that reaffirmed our mission statement, there was an Erotibot and Alien Vs Ninja to leave us disconsolate – and on the verge of cancelling our web hosting direct debit.
Making our job to convert the naysayers that little bit harder, the website’s writers voted on the films which almost prompted a visit to a Vue cinema – and, whisper it, the purchase of a set of 3-D glasses.
As this list goes to show, even the most celebrated international filmmakers can sometimes get it wrong (we’re sure it was beyond the Soska sisters’ dreams to ever rank alongside Jean Luc-Godard in any sort of film list). However, as with the Top Films countdown (with the top-5 to be announced on Monday), this was a clear two-horse race – given the director’s track record, the eventual claimant of the number one spot should come as little surprise.
Director: Jen Soska & Sylvia Soska | Released: 23rd May 2011 (DVD)
“With a title like that it should be gloriously trashy and a heap of fun, right? It’s not. Just trash. Pure and simple.” (Robert Markham)
Director: Jean-Luc Godard | Released: 7th November 2011 (DVD)
“One of the most important directors of all time makes one of the most pompous films of all time. Jean-Luc Godard attempts to challenge the conventions and formalities of the visual medium yet succeeds only in creating one of the most bewildering and cluttered pieces of cinema ever made. I’d sooner watch a film directed by Jacques Derrida.” (Colin John Gardner)
Director: David Blyth | Released: 24th October 2011 (DVD)
“David Blyth’s return to the horror genre is a vile and nasty affair that tries its best to emulate the freakiness of other shock-meisters but lacks the method they usually employ in their madness.” (Mark Player)
Director: Luc Besson | Released: 15th August 2011 (DVD/Blu-ray)
“Luc Besson’s two-fingered salute to the concept of treating an audience with respect is a gung-ho costume caper somewhat akin to the Indiana Jones franchise. The plot is riddled with holes and the structure is a mess. Utterly awful.” (Bill Sherwood)
06. My Best Bodyguard
Director: Sirippakorn Wongchariyawat | Released: 14th November 2011 (DVD)
“Weak and uninvolving story, bad acting verging (at times) on the atrocious, and a boring, seen too many times before storyline.” (Hayley Murden)
05. Blood Runs Cold
Director: Sonny Laguna | Released: 3rd October 2011 (DVD)
“There are plenty of bad slasher movies out there, but few are quite as tedious as this sloppy, admittedly very low-budget Swedish film. Normally with bad slasher films there are at least a few things to chuckle about, but Blood Runs Cold has all the personality of a damp cardboard box.” (James Garner)
04. Army Of Valhalla
Director: Jerzy Hoffman | Released: 18th July 2011 (DVD)
“A shamefully awful attempt at fantasy epic, Poland’s answer to the Lord Of The Rings starts off hilariously funny. However, within minutes, you’ll realise you’re no longer laughing, yet the tears are still there – tears of pain caused by how utterly pathetic the film is. So bad it makes Battlefield Earth look like the zenith of cinematic achievement.” (Colin John Gardner)
Director: Seiji Chiba | Released: 10th October 2011 (DVD)
“Unlike his previous film Alien Vs. Ninja, Seiji Chiba’s latest effort fails to hit the mark. For a martial arts film, it features very little in the way of actual fighting. With poor acting that isn’t helped by a weak script, it fails to draw the viewer in and instead falls flat like the films villains. With its convoluted plot and obtuse subject material, Ninja Girl is definitely one you won’t need to worry about missing.” (Ali Quaile)
02. The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)
Director: Tom Six | Released: 21st November 2011 (DVD/Blu-ray)
“Prepare your sick bag! A depraved and deeply nasty film that does everything in its power to repulse, with overtly shocking sequences and genuinely horrific imagery. A demented feature that really should of stayed in its director’s sick mind.” (Lewis Field)
Director: Uwe Boll | Released: 5th December 2011 (DVD)
“The biggest helping of worthless poppycock you’ll ever feast your eyes on, and about as much fun as eating Boris Becker’s sweatbands. It’s like being stuck in a lift with a dozen female comedians. Filial cannibalism could be excused, if director Uwe Boll actually choked on it.” (Daryl Wing)
Check back with us Monday when we will be revealing the Top-5 world cinema films of the year – remember you can check out every part of this year’s countdown here.
Find Out If They Are Really Are So Awful!
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